Madoka and Sayaka Get Pokémon
by Rhyno Holter
Summary: It's Madoka's and Sayaka's first day as Pokémon trainers... and what a day it is. One-shot, R&R.


**Beta'd by Tor Coolguy, who agrees: Tepig is actually the greatest starter of all time, no ifs ands or buts.**

* * *

"I can't _believe it_, Madoka! It's finally… just… yes!" Sayaka said loudly from her room. Madoka looked in the mirror, trying to adjust her hat.

"I don't get it. Why didn't we get the opportunity years ago?" Madoka asked quietly. "Don't eleven year olds get this chance in other countries?"

"I don't know. Don't care. Are you seriously not going to comment on my Naruto thing, Madoka?" Sayaka poked her head out of her room, her hair half-done. Madoka held in a giggle.

"Sayaka, you're such a weeb."

"Says the Sailor Moon fan girl!" Sayaka exclaimed, going back into the room. A hairdryer was turned on. Madoka looks down at the ground and thought for a little bit.

"You know who I want to be like?" she asked no one in particular. Sayaka turned the hairdryer off and exited her room, her blue hair perfectly combed. She patted her clothes down, trying to make sure they were perfectly one-hundred-percent nice.

"Who?" she asked as she pulled herself up.

"Iris."

"Really? The Unova champion? I thought you'd be more into Cynthia, honestly." Sayaka stated this as she put a cap on her head.

"Yeah, why not? Have you seen her matches?"

"Can't afford pay-per-views," Sayaka said sadly.

"Well, you know how you joke about Sailor Moon and magical girls, right? Well Iris begins the match the same way every time – like a magical girl transformation! It's beautiful!" Madoka's eyes lit up, a little drool coming out of the corner of her mouth. She put her hand to her cheek as her thoughts seemed to lead any and everywhere. Sayaka laughed, breaking her concentration.

"I think you're in love, girl. C'mon, let's get going. The sooner you get to meet her, the better, right?"

Madoka frowned but obliged.

"Sure wish Mom could see us."

"Where is your mom?" Sayaka asked as they left the house together.

"Dunno. She just said she'd be around." Madoka shrugged. "I'll look for her later I guess."

They closed and locked the door behind them and headed toward the nearby lab where presumably the professor would be waiting to give them their _first ever Pokémon. _Sayaka's eagerness radiated from her every pore.

"I'm excited! I can't wait to choose the water one!"

Madoka gave her friend a disbelieving look. "Wouldn't you want to choose one that's less obvious? What if they finally switch it up this time?"

Sayaka stopped. "Madoka."

"I mean," Madoka ignored her, "what if they change the rules and give us a dark-fighting-psychic trio this time?"

"Madoka."

"What I wouldn't give for a fairy-typed started. That'd be pretty ho—"

"MADOKA, LOOK!"

Madoka stopped to see what Sayaka's referring to.

"Hot damn," she said simply.

Outside the Pokémon lab, just to the side, a violently violet girl peaked in to the Pokémon lab, along with a green fairy-seeming monster. Was it a legendary Pokémon? Or perhaps just a flying onion. The girl, with long flowing black hair covering up most of her back, looked over to see the duo looking at her.

"AAH, SHE SEES ME. I SHOULD LEAVE," she said in a loud, monotone voice.

Sayaka and Madoka blinked. The girl across from them stood up slowly.

"Stay back. For your own safety. My name is Homura and I'm here to SAVE YOU, MADOKA! DO NOT BE AFRAID!" the violet girl blurted out loudly. The two of them slowly backed away from her as she continued, "I CAN SEE THE FUTURE." She drew out each word, her loud voice barely attempting a whisper. Then, as though by magic, she and the Pokémon disappeared. Madoka and Sayaka shared a look of confusion. Together, they let out a sigh and rushed into the Lab as fast as they can. Madoka's voice stuttered every word, so Sayaka was the one to warn their professor.

"Professor Mami, there was someone looking outside your window?"

Their professor, a large-chested blonde girl with twisted pigtails, laughed casually, stirring her tea.

"Nothing unusual for me, I get that all the time back home!"

"Eh?"

"I mean, lookit dis body!" She posed, and suddenly a thousand cameramen appeared out of nowhere to take pictures. She then relaxed, and so they all disappeared. "Would you two like some tea?"

"N-No thank you," Madoka said.

"I just want to get to our Pokémon!" Sayaka added, pumped up.

"You'll get your Pokémon, I promise. But first, isn't my rack amazing?"

Madoka backed up, shocked. "What?!"

"My rack!" Mami gestured toward a nearby bookshelf. "Look at how clean and organized it is!"

"Geez, Madoka, you homophobe," Sayaka prods.

"Ah, so your name is Madoka!" Mami finished her tea with one long sip. "And you must be Sayaka!" Mami's smile lit up the entire room. Just then, the front door opened, and another girl from their town entered the room. She had long green hair with perfect green eyes. She looked impossibly pretty, not like a model but like the perfect girlfriend. Mami clapped her hands in joy, but her joy quickly turned to skepticism.

"Well, you two, this is your classmate. Your rival! She's… uh?"

"I'm Hitomi, nice to see you again. Properly introduce myself." Hitomi bowed.

"Shh, don't tell me, don't tell me. Uh, what's her name again?"

"…Hitomi."

"Sayaka, I don't know this girl's name, do you?" Mami asked as though she weren't hearing Hitomi's words.

"It's Hitomi, I swear to God!"

"Ms. Tomoe, I think her name is… Cocksniffer? I dee kay." She snickered at her own "humor."

"Did you just use an acronym out loud, do you know how stupid that sounds," Madoka began.

"THAT'S TOO MANY CHARACTERS, PLEASE RENAME," Mami yelled out as though possessed by a robot. Sayaka jumped in surprise and horror.

"Fine, fine! Her name's, uh, Douche!"

"Oh yeah! Now I remember! Her name is Douche!" She gestured to Hitomi, whose face was so red it was bound to explode. 'Now, you three, today is the big day! Are you ready for your official Pokémon adventure to begin?"

"I'm ready!" Sayaka exclaimed.

"I'm ready," Douche sighed.

"I'm…" Madoka begins, before the door opened once more.

Less open, more SLAM. A Stepford wife of a voice yelled out. "Hold it right there!"

"Who are you?!" Douche blared out in the noisy confusion.

"I'm your substitute professor!"

Pause. "Why?!"

"Because your real professor is gone!"

Longer pause. "…What?!"

The woman in glasses shook her head sadly. "That young woman isn't your professor, she's a dangerous criminal! Also a robot."

"What?! But she seemed so knowledgeable! So helpful!" Madoka and Sayaka said at the same time. Mami responded by putting her tea cup on her head.

"Doesn't this make me look like royalty? Get it? Royal _tea?"_

The blunette shared a look with her pink-haired friend and wondered what the hell was even going on. Hitomi laughed and clapped like a baby getting keys jingled in their face.

"Security!"

One of the security officers, a little girl in white hair, grabbed hold of the blonde-haired girl. Though smaller than the robot girl, she's easily able to take her away despite struggles and groans and yelps about not riding bicycles cuz she'll know.

"Off with her head!" Saotome yelled angrily. The trio of young girls behind her backed away in horror at her anger, even when she turned back around to give them a warm comforting smile.

"My name is, it doesn't matter what my name is, you can call me Ms. Saotome. Your professor died or something, who knows." She looked at her clipboard. "So, looks like we've got here… Madoka, Sayaka, and Douche. And we're just about ready to get your starters. Alright, this'll be easy! What we got here are the greatest starters of all time, according to me!"

"Let's just get this over with," Hitomi whined.

"Fine." Saotome pulled out a suitcase and opened it. Inside were three Pokéballs. "Here are your choices. Choose wisely, also who goes first?"

"I will," Sayaka walked forward. "You got a water type?"

Saotome tosses her a Pokéball. "Is Oshawott okay? It turns into a samurai."

Sayaka's face burst into a big goofy dorky smile. "Holy shit, really? Heck yeah I'll take it! Madoka, I got my life partner oh my _God_!"

Saotome smiled at Sayaka's reaction. "So, Madoka, what're you—"

"I WANT ONE THAT'LL KICK SAYAKA'S IN THE ASS!" Madoka yelled. Sayaka gave her the worst stink eye in all of history.

"Asshole," she muttered.

"I gotchu, Meduka," Saotome said, tossing her a ball. "Snivy, the snakey snake."

"What's it turn into?" Madoka asked her happily.

"A bigger snake. So, Douche, I guess that leaves you with Tepig." Saotome handed Hitomi the final ball gently. "Tepig turns into a big ole' wrestling monster."

"I'm sure I'll love it, just like it loves me," Hitomi said, cuddling the ball close to her face.

Saotome forced a single laugh. "No one loves Tepig, That's why it's a perfect fit for you. _So_, girls, you all have your first Pokémon! How do you feel?"

"I lov—" Sayaka began to yell before Saotome smacked her head to the ground.

"Just kidding, I don't care, so here's the deal! We're going to go over a few simple things. All Trainers go their own path, but the usual idea is to get eight badges from the Gym Leaders, so that you can challenge the Elite Four and then the Champion."

"Iris~" Madoka sighed.

"Most towns have a Pokémon Center, where they'll heal up your Pokémon just like that." She snapped her fingers as she spoke, making her point clear.

"But I don't have insurance," Madoka whispered fearfully.

"Is there gonna be a Geico or an Allstate plug here?" Sayaka complained aloud. "Cuz if there is, I'm leaving."

"Oh, don't worry!" Ms. Saotome laughed. "We have _free_ healthcare!"

"Whoa, really?" Sayaka's eyes lit up.

"Well, not _we,_ but Pokémon sure do! What I'm trying to say is, don't die. They also have a sto—"

"What if we don't have any money?" Sayaka asked.

"What do I look like, a fucking miracle worker? I mean… no I stand by what I said," Saotome sighs.

"Here here," Hitomi applauded her. Saotome responded by smacking Hitomi's face to the ground too.

"_Anyway,_ yeah keep an eye out for those. Most routes are filled with dangerous Pokémon that will attack you if you enter tall grass or caves or water."

"We know this already," Madoka muttered. Saotome smacked _her_ head to the ground and continued anyway.

"But you can also catch them, add them to your team, train them. Take care of them as though they were your own."

She signaled for the girls to follow her, and together they all walked outside. She continues.

"Most trainers will fight you if you make eye-contact, and if they see you they'll probably force you to make eye-contact. It's not a friendly, joyous thing out there, especially if your Pokémon are weak or hurt or new, and I think that's everything! Oh wait." She reaches into her pocket. "Here's some Pokéballs to get you started."

She hands five teeny tiny versions of the Pokéball model they've already gotten to each of the girls.

"Try not to suck 'em dry, anyway I'm off children!" She threw out a Pokéball of her own and out popped a dodo-looking creature, a Doduo.

"What're you doing?" Hitomi asked. "Aren't you our professor?"

"I'm going to fly!" she answered as though it were the most obvious thing in the universe.

"With that?" Sayaka jumped in, pointing at the bird's obvious lack of wings.

Instead of answering, Saotome kicked the Doduo in the belly and jumped on. Doduo's heads started spinning around and around like a helicopter. Amazingly enough, the bird's body was somehow levitating. She was… _flying._

The Doduo looked amazingly stupid though. Its heads were in a cyclone, twisting around but never getting stuck. This didn't seem to matter to either monster or pilot.

"Remember the Pokémon League code, ladies! Say it, and I'll be gone!"

The three sighed, then together do their best salute.

"DENY THE OBVIOUS, UPHOLD THE INANE!"

She seemed satisfied, and she kicks the Doduo's underbelly once more. "And don't lose your wayyyyy!" she yelled as she flew off. They zoomed remarkably fast, disappearing into the sky with a twinkle.

"Well, ladies," Hitomi sighed, dusting herself off, "it was lovely, but I have places to be. People to see. Things to… do."

"Did you want to rhyme on that last one?" Sayaka asked.

"None of your business." Hitomi harrumphed and walked away from them. "My ride's here."

A beautiful car drives up, a nice silver 2015 Hyundai Sonata with 185 horsepower, more than Camry _and_…

"I said I'd leave if there were plugs for stuff, didn't I?" Sayaka turned to Madoka as she read the above statement from a sheet of paper in her hands.

"I'm getting paid by the word. You might should try it, Sayaka," Madoka laughed as she tossed the paper to the side.

"This," Hitomi started, "is my boyfriend Kyosuke." Her hands gestured to the car, which stopped in front of her. The driver, a nice-looking boy through the tinted windshield, waved goofily.

"Kyo's gay?" Sayaka repeated.

"Don't make gay jokes, that's not very nice," Madoka said.

"What gay jokes?" Sayaka asked.

"C'mon man, don't be a dudebro about these stupid cars," the driver squeaked from the driver seat.

"Don't make fun of my boyfriend!" Hitomi screamed out. "Don't make fun of people richer than you are! I should be making fun of _you_! I mean, you're not even wearing shorts! What's wrong with you?! Aren't casuals and youngsters and hobos supposed to be into shorts?"

Sayaka gritted her teeth. "I'll hobo you in a minute!"

"I said no gay jokes, Sayaka!"

"Suck my Pokéballs, Sayaka!" Hitomi extended her middle finger as she entered the car.

"Is that an innuendo?" Kyosuke asked softly.

"Drive, you Slowbro-looking…!"

In response, the car's engine revved up and screeched away from them, into the world outside their homely little village.

"Don't Hulk out anytime soon, you green giant!" Sayaka tried to retort, but it was too late – the car was gone. Madoka nudged Sayaka in the ribs.

"That was stupid, Sayaka."

"I know. Fuck."

The two of them followed the car's tracks. Madoka suddenly seemed to realize something and her line of vision started to take in everything. Sayaka didn't even seem to notice.

"I don't get it, Madoka. Wasn't she supposed to be our rival? Stay with our journey to the end? I say we follow that bitch."

"I don't think that's how it works, Sayaka, now please be quiet, I'm looking for—"

"Hold on. I never understood this. Why do you need me to shut up if you're _looking_ for something?"

Madoka took a deep breath, slapping her hand to her forehead.

"Why don't _you_ learn to keep your gosh-diddly-darned mouth shut!? I'm looking for some_one_."

Sayaka tilted her head curiously. "Who're you looking for?"

"_MOM, remember?" _She breathed in heavily. "She said she'd be out and about today. Isn't is the part where we start our journey or whatever, say goodbye to our parents?"

Sayaka considered this.

"Nah, fuck my parents, let's get out of here!"

And with that, she skipped off into the distance. Madoka coukd only respond with a "Whelp." She followed her blunette friend to the edge of the town. Sayaka seemed timid as Madoka caught up.

"Well, I g-guess we're here."

"Yep."

"Time to take our first steps into the great beyond."

"Uh huh."

Sayaka pouted. "Ugh, all this grass."

"What's wrong with the grass? Oh! Cuz wild Pokémon, right?" Madoka smirked and tapped her Pokéball. "That's why we got these, innit?"

Casually, Sayaka responsed, "Nah. I'm just complaining cuz we're not smoking it."

Pause. "…I swear to God, Sayaka."

"Also it reminds me of Hitomi." She considered as she said this. "Too green."

Madoka eyed her friend up and down. "Sayaka, do you like Hitomi?"

Sayaka laughed. "_Fuck_ Hitomi."

"Whoa, calm down, that's tee-emm-eye, Sayaka!"

"Oh, fuck you too!"

"Oh Sayaka, you come on too strong! Love me do~"

"Fine, I get it, let's just go!" Sayaka huffed and marched into the grass. Madoka laughed behind her friend.

"Oh, come on Sayaka. Once you pop, the fun don't stop!"

"Jesus Christ Madoka, you have a dirty mind!"

Something suddenly made a splash sound, causing both to stop. Madoka looked down.

"Would you like to stick your hand in the hole?"

"Eww!"

"Sayaka, the hole."

Madoka pointed down to the hole on the ground, filled with water. Sayaka blinked.

"Phrasing, Madoka."

"Drink me, Sayaka."

"For God's sake! Ugh. I guess I am a little thirsty. I mean, I _could _go back home, which is like 4 minutes away, and get a drink from there… but fu—" She looked at Madoka's eagerness to continue this route of dirty talk. "I mean, forget them."

"Why do you hate your parents?"

"Cuz they don't exist."

"Oh. I'm sorry. My parents _love_ me."

"Which is why you were able to leave them just like that. High five!"

Madoka just went with it. They slapped their hands against each other's. Suddenly, a thousand or so others came from nowhere and joined their high five, a collective bunch making it impossible to know whose hand was whose. Sayaka and Madoka pulled their hands back.

"Who're y'all?" Sayaka demanded.

"The Non-Existent Parents Club!" The person speaking spoke with an agonizingly sweet tone of voice and thrusted his clipboard at them. "We're always accepting new members, Ms. Miki!"

"Oh God, Madoka! Jehovah's Witnesses, run!"

"What's even going on anymore?" Madoka whined as they ran and ran and ran and _ran_ into forever.

"Where even are we?" Sayaka asked as they finally stopped.

"I think we just ran in circles until they left us alone," Madoka admitted.

Sayaka thought this over. "Fair enough," she shrugged.

"Is that a cave?" Madoka pointed and walked closer to the obviously-a-cave in front of her.

"Be careful, Madoka. We're still new trainers. Probably lots of dangerous—" She stopped talking when her foot splashed into another puddle of water.

A redhead existed the cave, stopped just in front of them.

"Hey girls. Whew!" the redhead breathed heavily for a few seconds. "You got any water?"

"No, sorry," Madoka replies, sorrow obvious in her voice. The redhead huffs angrily.

"Is there any water nearby?"

"Probably," Sayaka answered, pointing to the ground. "Would you like to stick your hand in my hole?"

"…what?"

Sayaka smirked. "I claim this hole in the name of me."

"That water hole?" the redhead pointed down.

"Yeah."

"I'll battle ya for it," she said, jumping up and down as though to pump herself up.

Madoka clapped in joy. "Your first battle, Sayaka! Oh, this is exciting!"

"Mah name's Kyoko. You're name's Sayaka, you said?" Kyoko offers her hand out for Sayaka to shake it, which she does. "I totally just came through the tunnel, but I still got plenty of energy left! So tell me when you're… why are you laughing?"

Both Madoka and Sayaka fell to their knees.

"You _came_ through the tunnels, you said," Madoka giggled.

"What? I _did_ just come through the tunnels," Kyoko explained with a frown.

"But did you come _first_, is the important question!" Sayaka told her, raising her finger knowingly. "If you still got energy to burn, I'd say no."

"Um… no." Kyoko put her hands to her hips. "The tunnel's been here forever, man. Why are ya holding the battle up?"

"I ain't doing nothing, I'm just… I can't breathe!" On her knees, Sayaka's laughter was way too hard for her to control. To help her friend, Madoka kicked Sayaka in the tummy. _Hard._ Sayaka stopped laughing.

"Don't be scared, li'l missy. I know I got TM87, but it's just I'm so HM02!"

Sayaka's words came out as breaths as she pulled herself up. "Are you speaking in tongues?"

"You're just mad cuz you're a dummy! A moron! An idiot!"

In reaction to this, Sayaka's face turned from confrontational to sorrowful…

"I was stupid, so stuWHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, CALLING ME NAMES LIKE THAT?!"

…back to confrontational. Madoka hung her head, having given up trying to understand what's going on.

"What, what, you wanna go on…" the not-quite-ginger demanded, pulling a Pokéball from her pocket.

"Heck yeah, do I!" interrupted an angry Sayaka. Kyoko cleared her throat.

"…on a date?"

Sayaka blinked. "What?"

"Too late, you said yes, let's get cracking. In more than one way!" Kyoko gave her best wink and in the blink of an eye picked up Sayaka, whose shock and confusion overcame any other possible emotion. The entire mood changed. Kyoko's raggedy outfit turned into a tuxedo, Sayaka's turned into a wedding dress. Sayaka looked to her friend for some sort of explanation or help.

"Byeee Sayaka. Have a nice honeymoon!" Madoka sobbed into her pink handkerchief.

"We will, oh we will!" Kyoko said, picking Sayaka up and walking back into the tunnel from whence she came. Madoka sniffled, then looked down at the puddle at her feet.

"I claim this puddle in the name of me!" Madoka said, throwing her handkerchief into the puddle as hard as she can. Since it was extremely light, it floated down like a feather after a few seconds in the air.

In the aftermath of the events, a creature, short and black and feline-like, walked up to Madoka, mewing. Madoka gasped and in a fit of giggles from the cuteness, she reaches her hand out to pet it. It allowed her.

"Oh, how cute. What're you, huh?" Madoka reached into her back pocket when a sudden burst of realization hit her. "Saotome never gave us a Pok_é_dex."

"Too bad. I didn't want to tell you what I was anyway," the creature before her stated before huffing away from her, rear end raised, booty hole in plain view. Madoka lowerd her head in shame.

"Gosh dangit. Rejected by a Pokémon. I'm done. I'm out of here," Madoka sighed as she stands up.

"That won't be necessary," Homura yelled from out of nowhere, running toward Madoka, her green onion Pokémon flying by her side.

"Now I _definitely got to get out of here!" _Madoka yelled in response, turning heel and running as fast as she could.

"NO LET ME SAVE YOU," Homura yelled in her unwavering voice.

"SAVE ME FROM YOURSELF, YOU FREAKY FREAKFACE!" Madoka huffed as she runs.

"MADOKA, STOP, PLEASE, AROUND HERE IS WHERE—"

"WHO EVEN ARE YOU TO SAY SUCH A—" Madoka started, before she tripped and her face fell flat into the ground. Homura slowed herself down to a walk. Madoka grabbed her head in pain.

"Ow, ow ow ow ow…"

Homura stopped right above Madoka.

"Frick," is all Homura can say. The Pokémon next to her looks at her with a confused look. "Ninjas, not again," she told her onion creature companion as though it explained everything. "Oh well, I guess it's for the best. Maybe next time I reset, I'll get a shiny Madoka." She pointed a gun at Madoka's face. Madoka looked up with fright.

"Wait, I'm still alive, you know that right?"

"Toooo baaaaddddd for youuuu."

"What, please please don't—"

She firesd

With a jolt, Madoka woke up, her upper body jolting upright.

It was still early morning at best, so the only light came from the streets, far far away. As her eyes adjusted, her messy room became clearer and clearer. Even in the dark, mixes of pale and hot pink were noticeable. Stuffed animals and Pokémon plushies line up the walls. Chairs were scattered all over. The bed she lay on was a terrible, horrible mess. There was a gross wet-spot on her pillow and she tried to clean up as much of the mess as possible.

"Eww, I drooled on the pillows, jeez!" she complained loudly. She tried to wipe it off without getting much of it on the rest of the pillowcase, when she saw a bright light

The memory returned to her: she was playing Pokémon on her 3DS before she went to sleep, and actually during her sleep. The last battle she was in was still on the screen, unmoving. How long it'd been there, she didn't know. She reached down to close it, and then the dark overwhelmed her eyes again. She breathed deeply, trying to recall the dream she just had.

"Is everything alright, Madoka?" a too-cute-to-be-human voice asked from behind her. Madoka, still half-asleep, turned her head and in the dark, she swore she saw something that made her heart stop.

Long tail-like protrusions from the ear areas.

Eyes you could see even in the dark.

A feline-esque shape. Maybe a little small, but…

Was that… a Sylveon? Mega Audino? What in the world…

"Madoka, are you okay? Do you require a glass of water? You need only ask." Kyubey asked, tilting its head. Madoka sighed loudly, understanding hitting her full on. Madoka shook her head, lay her head on the clean side of her pillow.

"Good _night,_ Kyubey."


End file.
